I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
