She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
