Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i now understand why vodka
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
