He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
