It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
