then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
