i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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