The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
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