just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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