i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
