My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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