I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
