ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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