quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
