Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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