i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
