Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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