It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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