and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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