watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
