i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
