Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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