Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i dont even know how to be here
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
