hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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