break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
