Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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