I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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