You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
