went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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