Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
