I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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