too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
