he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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