I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
