how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
