We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
