He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
