you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
