Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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