I just made out with a guy for $7.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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