Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize