I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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