i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
