My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
