I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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