Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize