Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
