I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The Olympian is in my bed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
