If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
