U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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