I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
