I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
