I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
