The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
