No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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