He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
