i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
