do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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