there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She's JV to your varsity
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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