i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
