and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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