1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
3 2 1 whiskey
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
