She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
