he thought i was a dude.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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