Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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