Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
