hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
