i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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