sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
