True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
