So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
foreskin is a definite game changer
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize