Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
