how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize