Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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