I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
