You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
