get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
