If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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