Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
