Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
