i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
